Ruracio

Our office was closed Thursday and Friday to allow people to travel to travel if need be, and practice their democratic right to vote. I came to be with The Man. If you ask me, I think or rather feel like the process will be peaceful, and M7 will win. Or ‘win’. In keeping with my decision not to do politics, I won’t elaborate. Of late though, I’ve felt like putting in my two cents regarding local politics, the broke gova that used USD 350m for the campaign, and the Uganda shilling that has depreciated more than 45% against the dollar since I’ve been here. Because? I pay taxes; 30% PAYE, 18% VAT on every item I buy in supermarkets (which is already about 15% more expensive that it would be in a Nairobi/Kenyan supermarket), and UGX 100,000 each year in infrastructure tax- the potholes in my hood were filled with soil and a thin layer of tarmac in the recent months. The National Social Security Fund requires that I contribute 5% of my gross salo to the fund, though to their credit, my employer matches that with 10% of my gross. So the rate of return on my savings is encouraging. I just hope won’t NSSF have gone burst by the time I leave or need the money.

Most of my Kenyan friends are either out of UG or have bought food to last them a couple weeks, ensured there is enough cooking gas, water, the cars tanks are full and generally done the kind of things you would have done if you were in Nairobi or some parts of Kenya in early 2008. I can’t blame us. I however think the dynamics are different in UG compared to Kenya in the sense that the two main contenders are from the same region, or largely, community though one is more liked by the Buganda Kingdom constituents than the other. Said Kingdom has 3 candidates in the race.
This was not meant to be a siasa post, as is the blog. In my personal life, things are going well. Last week I went to have my ruracio (that’s dowry) event dress made.

The ruracio is coming up in a couple of weeks, and I just finished informing my close cousins. It’s not a huge event since this is only the first, and sometimes it takes decades before you truly belong to the other family through an event (for lack of a better term) called ‘gutinia kiande’. Nothing has changed regarding the wedding. We are going to have a traditional marriage and then a civil deal to make sure we are both on equal standing regarding our rights in the marriage in the eyes of the state. The Man still thinks we should have a church wedding down the line, but as far as I am concerned, either the Christian and Civil marriage offer me the same rights, so there is no need for the other if one has taken place. At the same time, The Man thinks it is important to have a church wedding when we have the budget. In which case then, I feel like we should just let it remain a customary marriage till we have the church event. My parents are busy doing what they need to do to ensure that The Man marries me in proper Kikuyu customs. I’m excited about it. I was considering asking my mother to tell my father to ask the men who will be negotiating on behalf of our family to not have any fancy ideas of ripping of The Man and his family. But then my friends think if I chose the traditional route, I may as well go all the way and let things take their natural path. I even asked the man if it’s a good idea and he thought otherwise. He should know- as the only male child in his family, he has taken an important role in selling off a few of his sisters. This year has a lot of good things in store for us.

The dress: I went with a Kinyankore design. Why? Because the Kikuyu dresses I’ve seen don’t look appealing to me. I could have had the brown dress with beads and shells that I think of as the Kikuyu cultural dress, or a Maasai design in recognition of the fact that my grandmother came from there, but I didn’t have the time to get that done when I was home (Yes, even me, I have Maasai blood!). I also happen to like how Banyankore women look on their Kuhingira (the traditional marriage rite, they call it the give-away ceremony in English), with the beads on the head, cute earrings, and beaded gloves, and I decided to go with the look. Interestingly, the material I chose is closer to the Indian sari than anything. If anything, is there cloth that we can call Kikuyu or even African wear? In my opinion, no, just the style. When the tailor lady was taking my measurements, she was talking to me in Runyankore, because my colleague who took me there is Munyankore. She looked really good on her Kuhingira event, so I requested her to take me to her fundi. The fundi later learned that I’m Kenyan and Kikuyu and was asking me what our traditional dress is. I told her we don’t have one. When she asked what my ancestors used to wear, I told her animal skins. She laughed. In the small talk that ensued, she asked how many maids I will have for the event and when I said none, just two of my close friends and relatives, she looked astonished-because there was another lady whose Kuhingira attire she is making, who has 12 maids for the Kuhingira alone. Which will be followed by a church wedding with a different set of maids. I feel like most people in Uganda have two weddings-the traditional one, and the church one, sometimes held in consecutive days. Or maybe two large events. Which kinda explains all the mass text messages in November and December from friends and strangers alike: so-and-so invites you to her wedding/kwanjula/kuhingira meeting taking place on…….Last year I got one of those from a guy who helped move house with his truck when he was having his introduction ceremony in Busoga (community that lives between Bugisu in the East and Buganda in Central Uganda, around Jinja, just before you cross the Nile into Buganda). I think he sent the texts to everyone on his phonebook. I kinda just ignored them, but we later bumped into each other in a restaurant in Jinja, where he handed me my invitation letter and the budget. I asked a Muganda fiend why they have two large events, and he explained that usually, the church even is more inclusive when it comes to the grooms side.

That’s it for now. I need to be at work on Monday, but I’m thinking of chilling and watching for people’s reaction when results are announced on Sunday.

Salamu za Mwaka Mpya na Updates

The year is still effectively new for me since I haven't blogged since October 2010 so pokeeni salamu za mwaka mpya from huku kwa PKW . I've been contemplating closing this blog or making a quiet exit since now my life involves other people, and I'm not sure I can write about them the same way I write about me. I can't be an 'issues' blogger so it's either me and my life, or nothing. There are still interesting things to say, so hopefully I will be around much longer. I feel too 'young' to retire, though other bloggers, some who started blogging as recently as last year, have chosen to 'retire' their blogs. I think in blog-speak, retiring a blog is a nice way of saying you have quit, like the politicians 'stepping aside' all over the place. But the advantage of being a politician is (I think?) you keep collecting a full paycheck from that place called aside where you step. Sorta like being at advanced stage in Monopoly the game, and getting a 'go to jail' card that allows you to stay in jail, therefore not pay any rent, and collect rent on all your properties. Not a bad place to be at that point, eh?

The rest of 2010-since I blogged, that is- went well for me, and so were the holidays. They were very, very good. I got to spend time with the almost everyone in Man's family (that I hadn't met earlier) and thought they are awesome. For some reason I earlier thought that being the only male child among five siblings meant I wouldn't be as welcome by the rest; I was wrong. He also spent some short time with mine and we both thought it went well.

I don't do new year resolutions because for me the new year is just a way of marking time, with nothing markedly different from the previous day/year. Except maybe the mood and an excuse to indulge, slaughter another animal and such. My goals are all over the place in terms of when they are set. Some things I purpose on when I get an idea, or when something happens in this life of mine or another's life. Some start at my birthday. I remember purposing sometime towards the end of last year to have an attitude of gratitude, and to be nice to people. I'm not some mean woman, but I also want to be purposefully nice. On two occasions last year I told some two people off. One was apologetic for upsetting me, and the other relationship has remained hivi hivi since. I don't feel guilty because I felt I had a 'right' to be mad, and it's nice when this person doesn't get me down with their negative comments/opinions all the time any more.

My decision to be nice got a test on New Years day, and it (not it is 'it' not 'I' :-) kinda failed so am glad it wasn't a New Year's resolution. The Man and I could not get a Mololine or Prestige shuttle maatu from Nakuru to Nairobi late in the evening on Jan 1st, yet we absolutely had to travel since we again had to travel back to our respective places of work from Nairobi the following day. So we decided to use the regular Moloine matatus. But the place was parked with people and no matatu in sight. One came by and people struggled to get inside, and I imagined they had purchased their tickets earlier. The Man went to get our tickets, but the attendants were not selling any, or saying anything. So we decide he goes and checks out akina 2NK matatus and others, while I waited at Mololine in case another matatu came, when I could then force my way in and hold a seat for him. Then this mama decides to ask me a few questions about Mololine, and initially I respond nicely. Like this: Woman:"So there are no tickets?" PKW, "I think so, we couldn't get some either" Woman, "You get one and wait for a matatu?" PKW, "Usually that's what they do during peak time like today, but it seems they are not offering any today" Woman, "So the matatus are all gone?" PKW, "I don't know, I don't work here". Oh well.

Besides being nice, I want be real with people more often, instead of say, diplomatically lying to them when I want to say something that's not too agreeable or nice to their ears. I'm not sure how being real and being nice will mix in some situations, but mix they will have to. Take for instance this friend of mine with whom I used to make plans with, but who never followed any of the plans up with, or at least tell me in advance that she wouldn't be there. Only when I later saw her the following week and ask would she explain what happened/ why she couldn't make it. This person has the audacity to think she could call on me one day to do her a favor pap!. She calls me out of the blues after ignoring several of SMSs, facebook messages etc, and tells me to do her a favour that involves staying up past midnight. I think "No way", but then I have the burden of finding out a way to precisely that, including lying, and that's what I do in the end. I hate feeling used, and usually don't let people do that to me. Then there is a mama that I hosted for a few days to a week when she was here shopping for merchandise to go and sell in Kenya. Juzi she calls me and indicates that she wants me to go shopping for her (have you been near Owino market?) and send stuff on the bus. Clearly, there's no lying around this one; I'll just tell her I can't, but she's welcome to stay at my place again as long as she needs to.

What else- I still don't have a car but I think I should be getting one maybe by early Feb or later, pending something I am waiting on. The funniest thing is that I remember telling a friend 10 years ago that I'd get a car in 10 years. Because back then it looked impossible, so I gave myself what I thought was reasonable time. I wonder what would have happened if I said I'd get one in a year's time? Banange, they used to tell us to watch what we say because it happens, and this the second instance it's happening for me.

As for this year, within the bigger picture, there are two specific things that are close to my heart that I really am praying to God (besides doing my/our bit, that is. Prayer is the least you can do!) that they work out ASAP, though logically, one is not even supposed to work out till later in the year, like after August, but it needs to work out even sooner, like today. I trust that they, among the other things, will work out fine. But if they don't, I will be grateful for the situations as they are now, knowing full well that I prayed for them to be this way. It's all about gratitude, remember? Still, it's funny how yesterday's answered prayer is today's situation that needs prayer. Guess it's meant to be that way, otherwise, how are we meant to mark progress?

There's a lot of exciting things in store for me this year, and for that I'm very grateful. I wish you my readers the very best for this year and beyond. May God, if you believe in Him/Her/It smile on you. I think there's a big 'movement' out there that believes the Universe is the one that does stuff so if that's your chosen path to the higher powers, may you get the best that the Universe has to offer. No offense but personally I think the Universe was created and is at the mercy of the creator (and we humans), who in English is known as God and by many other names in different languages, religions and faiths. As for you who believe in no outer powers, work hard, be strong and trust that things will work out just as you want them to ( I do, too!).

Nawatakia mwaka mpya uliojawa na heri na fanaka.

PS: Maua, I saw the tag, but gosh, don't I hate tags? Besides the hot scrap award where I talked about myself, I really don't want to talk about myself any more than you will read here. Sio kwa ubaya lakini, tumeelewana?

No Wedding, Most Likely

First off, am wondering how much I can keep PKW the Blog alive now that am not anonymous. This has been my space to chronicle stuff as it happens and as I see it, but since coming out, am not sure what direction this blogging thing will take. Like this girl here, I feel like starting over at another discreet space, but my style would remain the same and I guess you'd have me figured not too far into the blogging. I really want to keep blogging stuff as it happens and as I interpret it without the need to make it spicier, juicier, duller or anything faker than I take it. By the way The Man doesn't know about this space either, and I wouldn't want him to find out from someone else, now that I'm meeting other bloggers and tweeps. Seriously, how many of you out there have managed to keep it real after coming out? Assuming that no one knew about your blogging ways, anyway. These days, with technology, you never know! How well are you able to manage the curtain between your virtual life and your real life?


Moving on to the topic at hand. Yeah I know your remember this,eh? And Well, there's been lot's of situations like this one here. Not the riots, but when we just can't be together. Since the end of last year, it's been Kisumu, not Kigali. Same distance nevertheless. We couldn't even be together on Valentine's day, and I at that point called it quits, as you well know. We've worked out a lot of the stuff with me being more understanding when he can't make it, and him planning better. It's been a while since he called me on a Friday night to inform me that he's not coming the following day, but the last time he called on a Wednesday, I was unhappy but didn't throw a tantrum. I also appreciate that he's been understanding when I'm on the wrong, and has forgiven me the times I've wronged him. Which are few and far apart :-) I'm perfect like that!

Fast forward, we are talking meeting the parents in less than a month. We were meant to do it earlier but I wasn't so sure. And then later, logistically, it was not possible. Now in my part of the global village, once you meet the parents, you are past dating and are set to marry, which explains why I was a little hesitant initially. I admit I have met another set of parents for a few days over Christmas, but that was in a different cultural setting, and it doesn't get interpreted the same way it does in my village. So yeah, we are talking marriage,saving and investing together, and babies. I want three, he wants one, a boy. Basically all the things that married people (are supposed to) do together.Including in-laws; I want to live with my mum at some point in the future.

The question here is the wedding. On a regular day, I normally think this wedding thing is an over-rated, foreign concept, and am happy to exchange cows in place of vows. I don't remember having a dream wedding in my mind. Ever. The only thing I remember is injuring my wedding ring finger once while picking tea during holiday from secondary school and being grateful that at least it was on the right hand, just in case the scar remained. I have never really desired to have a wedding.

But now. The more I think about it, the more I want one. I even have a unique, designer wedding gown (si tailors are designers, ala!) in my head. No, really. The grooms men and brides maids are all matching in red, African yet modern outfit. The flowers are red roses. You guessed it, the theme is reddish. And I have a Maasai-beaded tiara.

Here's the downer to this grand dream of mine. The man doesn't want a wedding, or, wants one much later. His sister, who has been married for over 10 years, is having her wedding in November. I think she is his role model. I also know other couples who have done the traditional thing or signed a certificate and had a wedding later (like when the kids are in college, and am not talking about the 25th anniversary here!). Honestly, I don't get the rationale. My other argument is that at the rate I'm 'growing',and possibly after popping out two babies, I will not look as good on a later wedding date in a few years.


The biggest reason I want a wedding is so I can partake in my desire to savor, and celebrate each step and season in this my life. Reason behind that? I have lost a number relatives, G among them, and close to 3 dozen neighbours in the past 2 calendar years, and missed out on an extended family gathering, which happens only once a year, and has been delayed/canceled because of the funerals this year. I feel its about time my family, neighbours and friends met at a happy occasion. I also have these friends who are like family overseas, and it would be super good to be together again. I'm sure the lady friend would shed a tear or two-she's cries at happy occasions.

I have a friend who also tells me that I better have my way now, otherwise nikiolewa, it's submission to no end (haki ya nani, siamini hiyo!)

The thing is this, we don't have the money for the (big) wedding right now. We will have saved some for the same purpose by the time the proposed dates come up, and can have a small one, but the man does not want a small wedding. It's a big wedding or no wedding.He's kinda traditional like that; invite his and my extended families, his two and my two villages, our common (from college) and separate friends, and colleagues. Before I knew it, the list was +300 close family and friends.

You already know that I do not believe -the right phrase here is 'I hate it when...'- it's right to ask people to foot your wedding bill as is so common in our society, and The Man agrees so that's not even an option for either of us to fall back on.

My idea of a small wedding was thus: PKW and The Man dressed up, trip to Church or the registrar of marriages with our immediate family (20 people max!), the people who are 'standing for the wedding' (4) and a small reception thereafter. Could even be on a weekday. But the man? His quiet demeanor aside, I think he must be plotting to be a politician someday. Otherwise, good people tell me, why else would anyone want to please two provinces and the Nairobi Area on a very personal occasion?

Obviously, I alone want so many things right now, car included, and he too wants many things. Most importantly, in many ways, we are just starting to lay a financial foundation for the future, and we are already in our 30s. Even the Ksh 150K we will have saved by early March or late April can be put to different use-I can't bring myself to say 'better use' because a wedding is good use already!

Not really an option on my part, but it seems likely there will be no wedding. Final discussions will be held this coming weekend, insha Allah.

It's Not Me, It's You

Today is Valentine’s day, in case you missed it. I’ve read my card, but not yet touched the chocolate or sparkling wine. That’s for later. Yes, no, we couldn’t be together.

The thing is that I’m already thinking of how to end it with the Man, because I don’t see his clan bringing goats and cows (actually these days it’s their equivalent in Kenya Shillings) to mine in exchange of me. We had agreed that the walk down the aisle can be done several years down the line, or even never, as long as the legal thing had been done so he’s not left free to ‘buy’ as many wives as he can afford. We had even set dates for the initial unofficial Meet the Family visits last December, before I suggested that we postpone for a later, unspecified date.

Now, in my gut, I almost know the Man is not the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’ve told him as much, got back the few things I had at his place, but he doesn’t seem to get it. I kinda am at peace with my decision. But there is a problem. Maybe up to four problems.

A man features prominently in my 5-year Strategic Dream. Not sure why I place him at number 2, while ideally, he would contribute to number 1. Well, there was no particular order.

Also, there is the fact that I’m 32 this August, and I think, over here at least, there is a fat chance that the probability of meeting the one you want to spend the rest of your life with gets slimmer as the numbers go up.

Now, I’m not sure I want to pray about this Man issue anymore. I feel like God has probably given me many chances already, but I seem to always have a reason why not this one (like passion, even). That is, when I’ve not been the one being given the boot. Which reminds me of my friend in college; B. B once told me and her room-mate at one point to “Shindeni tu hapo mki-date machali. Wakati mtapata malaika, mkuje mniambie ‘B. nimepata malaika, sasa nataka kuolewa!’”. Loosely translated: ”Go on, just date for fun, when you meet angels, come back and tell me ‘B. I have met an angel, now I want to get married!’”. Which would be my mum’s take too, though hers sometimes seems to border on the justcloseyoureyesandgetmarriedifhenotabusiveorjustgetababyalready! school of thought.


So, in the past few days, I’ve been thinking more in the line of how I’d live my life as Single PKW, if it comes to that. Or, by method of elimination (like, ‘he lacks passion’. Really), how to eventually settle for Mr. Good Enough if/when he comes along.

To Tell or Not to Tell? Or ask.

Would you ask or tell all of your 'pyjama time' stats? There's this guy who wrote to Love Letters . He's freaked out because he asked and she said she had it going with like 35 guys in college.

Then there's huyu who's afraid to share inexperience.


I prefer to not ask. But sure go for tests. Wewe je?

Another One, This Time Funny-Raymond Chepkwony

Discovered Raymond Chepkwony via a link from @inteligensia on twitter today.

I'm enjoying his sense humour (no, I'm not a pervert, and it's not in that bad taste),though if you dig deep you'll get one post on the meaning of life. I dig the one on the proposed marriage bill he had up today. The money, baby, the money!

Meanwhile, some men over here are hating on the proposed marriage and divorce bill(if that's what it's being called) in UG because it will split stuff 50:50 between the Ssebo and his Nyabo in case of a divorce. Another Ssebo tells me he's waiting for it to pass before he can get married because it will illegalize dowry. That's like 50:50 already if you ask me.

Nice versus Confident

Still seeing what others say on dating and relationships :O) But I don't intend to say much more on my personal stuff, what's happening or not going to happen after today's sneak peek.

Today I found an interesting one on why women don't feel excited by nice guys. I'm not sure I agree with everything, but I'm with the her on confidence.Nice guys don't always look it.

It was a nice day when I realized that I loved jerks. Current guy is nice, but would do with some money. It's a case of new money. Actually more like no money. I'm not lost on potential though. I feel sad that I just wrote that, but I'm gonna keep it because I mean it. I don't think I'm materialistic. Lord knows I'm just being practical.

He could also gain some confidence. Did I mention he's 4 months my junior? Many people think ako na roho safi. I can attest to it. Helps that we were friends for 4+ years bila mambo ya mapenzi. I guess namjua kiasi on a regular day.

One thing I like about dating 'back home' is that 'the rules' are clearer, if there any. Like, you can ask a guy earlier on about kids than you would a guy in the West. In my opinion, the question here is not if he wants to have kids, but what if they don't show up? I already asked! I was thinking of my work buddy 'Kawiira' who told me that she started trying to get pregnant immediately following the Kwanjula (official introduction of The Man to her family, a ruracio of sorts) in September last year . By wedding day in November, The Man was under pressure from his friends; how could he marry a girl who was not pregnant? How did he know she'd him bear kids? She was really stressed. Thankfully, she's due in a month or so.

Also feel like over here, you don't have to play too hard to get if you're interested. I could be wrong on that lakini. Sababu my best jamaa friend was telling me last night that he likes it when women are 'mysterious'.Is why he never saw again a girl who spent the night at his place, did general cleaning the following day and introduced herself to the neighbours as The Girlfriend.

But he also said something weird when I was telling him about nice guys and 'manly men': that all women want to be domineered 'it doesn't matter if she is Angela Merkel!' Hmmm, really?!? All I'm asking for is a nice guy who is confident and can provide direction. I'm with the Bible (and conservative and African 'values') on this one; he should be the head. Many guys here want to be asses; they just want to sit on you.

I asked the Ssebafuruki in a nice voice if he'd help me do the dishes? And could he make the tea while I made the omelette? He obliged. I sure hope that's sustainable if this lasts.

Right now the Money issue is occupying my mind more than it probably should. We'll see.

Relationships, Kids, Love, Marriage and Landing a Rich East African Husband

I think I'm in love-again! I rarely talk about 'these things'. See, I've been here before. I've been in and out of love several times, the high highs, the low lows, kila kitu. I'm even not sure I believe in The One. That's kinda like pre-destination, which I don't buy entirely.

But I've been reading more on love on other people's blogs and sites as you can tell from my list. I'm finding church more interesting when they talk about relationships between men and women, marriage, and family. I guess I'm trying to peek into the next chapter of my life, if life comes in phases. But I have to write it! Basically I'm feeling that I'm now done with school (Msichana wa Sura Nzuri...Daudi Kabaka?), have lived by myself for some reasonable time now, so guess I know myself,yeah? There must be more to my personal life than working paying off student loans, the electiricity bill, trying to figure out how to make more money, hanging out with friends and talking with and occasionally visiting with family. Plus, I'm already 31-you know all that stuff they say about (women) getting kids by the time you're 35! Still, I'm worried that I'm not really sure what I want relationship-wise. Man-woman. Loving one guy exclusively is wonderful. I worry about long-term, till-death-do-us-part kind of commitment.But I'm sure I want kids, and the other major benefit of having a man in my life. I don't have to be married for those, do I? Anyway, I kinda like dating guys whose parents have it together after so many years, though that can be deceptive. In our setting many women are in marriages juu they're bila choice. I'm strongly feeling that since we have copied other people's way of living, marrying and divorcing (probably even dying) ,it's about time we copied prenups if we haven't already. I think those help. Otherwise, living together for a year or twenty before signing those documents doesn't sound like a bad idea to me.

Anyway, Kaasa had an interesting one on landing a rich African husband. Here's herMsichana Unataka Nini post. To use her words, go ask God for what you really want, whether you think you deserve it or not. She seems to have bagged her very own Mr. Hot-really hot, interlligent and monied.

Didn't work? Here's ehow's How to Marry a Man with Money. Apparently the ones with the money don't brag about it, and want to see the mother of their kids in you. You can also make a millionaire out of a moneyless guy. Young guy, new money, a lot less baggage. As if anything's guaranteed after you both make the money.

Most importantly, I don't want to just go along and end up
marrying Mr. Wrong 1! Nor Mr. Wrong 2

I'm also listening more to married people and occasionally hear 'marriage can stressful!' 'Fikiria sana usijifunge'. Tying the knot and fungain pingu za maisha here conjure up some pretty bad images.


Good thing is, whatever turn I take, I know what I want, and what I'm offering. So help me God.

I dig LKW

Just discovered Tart and Soul. Clearly, she has guts to say stuff that I can't say on here. Loving it.