Another One, This Time Funny-Raymond Chepkwony

Discovered Raymond Chepkwony via a link from @inteligensia on twitter today.

I'm enjoying his sense humour (no, I'm not a pervert, and it's not in that bad taste),though if you dig deep you'll get one post on the meaning of life. I dig the one on the proposed marriage bill he had up today. The money, baby, the money!

Meanwhile, some men over here are hating on the proposed marriage and divorce bill(if that's what it's being called) in UG because it will split stuff 50:50 between the Ssebo and his Nyabo in case of a divorce. Another Ssebo tells me he's waiting for it to pass before he can get married because it will illegalize dowry. That's like 50:50 already if you ask me.

Nice versus Confident

Still seeing what others say on dating and relationships :O) But I don't intend to say much more on my personal stuff, what's happening or not going to happen after today's sneak peek.

Today I found an interesting one on why women don't feel excited by nice guys. I'm not sure I agree with everything, but I'm with the her on confidence.Nice guys don't always look it.

It was a nice day when I realized that I loved jerks. Current guy is nice, but would do with some money. It's a case of new money. Actually more like no money. I'm not lost on potential though. I feel sad that I just wrote that, but I'm gonna keep it because I mean it. I don't think I'm materialistic. Lord knows I'm just being practical.

He could also gain some confidence. Did I mention he's 4 months my junior? Many people think ako na roho safi. I can attest to it. Helps that we were friends for 4+ years bila mambo ya mapenzi. I guess namjua kiasi on a regular day.

One thing I like about dating 'back home' is that 'the rules' are clearer, if there any. Like, you can ask a guy earlier on about kids than you would a guy in the West. In my opinion, the question here is not if he wants to have kids, but what if they don't show up? I already asked! I was thinking of my work buddy 'Kawiira' who told me that she started trying to get pregnant immediately following the Kwanjula (official introduction of The Man to her family, a ruracio of sorts) in September last year . By wedding day in November, The Man was under pressure from his friends; how could he marry a girl who was not pregnant? How did he know she'd him bear kids? She was really stressed. Thankfully, she's due in a month or so.

Also feel like over here, you don't have to play too hard to get if you're interested. I could be wrong on that lakini. Sababu my best jamaa friend was telling me last night that he likes it when women are 'mysterious'.Is why he never saw again a girl who spent the night at his place, did general cleaning the following day and introduced herself to the neighbours as The Girlfriend.

But he also said something weird when I was telling him about nice guys and 'manly men': that all women want to be domineered 'it doesn't matter if she is Angela Merkel!' Hmmm, really?!? All I'm asking for is a nice guy who is confident and can provide direction. I'm with the Bible (and conservative and African 'values') on this one; he should be the head. Many guys here want to be asses; they just want to sit on you.

I asked the Ssebafuruki in a nice voice if he'd help me do the dishes? And could he make the tea while I made the omelette? He obliged. I sure hope that's sustainable if this lasts.

Right now the Money issue is occupying my mind more than it probably should. We'll see.

Furaha ya Idd...

...inakufanya usahau hakuna likizo. I didn't go to work today, not because I planned not to. I spoke with my colleague on Friday on my way from Busunju. At the end of the conversation I said "Tulabagane Monday" (tuonane Monday) and the guy told me that Monday would be Idd. Banange I was so happy I told my other colleague that K., who had been fasting, said Monday would be a public holiday. But yesterday it was obvious that Idd was then, not today. But with my Kenyanness, it meant that when a holiday falls on a Sunday, you've got Monday off.


The Ssebafuruki was in town from Kigali. Leo afty we went into town and were coming back kindu 5pm when I noticed that both vehicular and human traffic were as bad as on a regular work day. Posta seemed to have been open. I commented to the Ssebafuruki that I might be the only one who had a holiday. Fikaing home, I found my neighbour driving into the garage. So I called two of my colleagues and they told me that today was a working day. So kesho I am going to kusema pole sana. I will bill those hours to my vacay time, which I'm likely not to use kabisa.

Relationships, Kids, Love, Marriage and Landing a Rich East African Husband

I think I'm in love-again! I rarely talk about 'these things'. See, I've been here before. I've been in and out of love several times, the high highs, the low lows, kila kitu. I'm even not sure I believe in The One. That's kinda like pre-destination, which I don't buy entirely.

But I've been reading more on love on other people's blogs and sites as you can tell from my list. I'm finding church more interesting when they talk about relationships between men and women, marriage, and family. I guess I'm trying to peek into the next chapter of my life, if life comes in phases. But I have to write it! Basically I'm feeling that I'm now done with school (Msichana wa Sura Nzuri...Daudi Kabaka?), have lived by myself for some reasonable time now, so guess I know myself,yeah? There must be more to my personal life than working paying off student loans, the electiricity bill, trying to figure out how to make more money, hanging out with friends and talking with and occasionally visiting with family. Plus, I'm already 31-you know all that stuff they say about (women) getting kids by the time you're 35! Still, I'm worried that I'm not really sure what I want relationship-wise. Man-woman. Loving one guy exclusively is wonderful. I worry about long-term, till-death-do-us-part kind of commitment.But I'm sure I want kids, and the other major benefit of having a man in my life. I don't have to be married for those, do I? Anyway, I kinda like dating guys whose parents have it together after so many years, though that can be deceptive. In our setting many women are in marriages juu they're bila choice. I'm strongly feeling that since we have copied other people's way of living, marrying and divorcing (probably even dying) ,it's about time we copied prenups if we haven't already. I think those help. Otherwise, living together for a year or twenty before signing those documents doesn't sound like a bad idea to me.

Anyway, Kaasa had an interesting one on landing a rich African husband. Here's herMsichana Unataka Nini post. To use her words, go ask God for what you really want, whether you think you deserve it or not. She seems to have bagged her very own Mr. Hot-really hot, interlligent and monied.

Didn't work? Here's ehow's How to Marry a Man with Money. Apparently the ones with the money don't brag about it, and want to see the mother of their kids in you. You can also make a millionaire out of a moneyless guy. Young guy, new money, a lot less baggage. As if anything's guaranteed after you both make the money.

Most importantly, I don't want to just go along and end up
marrying Mr. Wrong 1! Nor Mr. Wrong 2

I'm also listening more to married people and occasionally hear 'marriage can stressful!' 'Fikiria sana usijifunge'. Tying the knot and fungain pingu za maisha here conjure up some pretty bad images.


Good thing is, whatever turn I take, I know what I want, and what I'm offering. So help me God.

Self-Centredness is........

........when you only see things from your point of view. But where else can you see from?
Because of the riot, am spending yet another night and weekend alone. The Man was to come from Kigali, but they were burning buses on the Kampala-Masaka-Kigali road. He does look like a 'Westerner', so we put safety first. I'm more lonely than scared.

Pole to those that have lost friends and relatives in this madness. Hopefully it will be better after tomorrow.

I'm for Separation of Tribe and State

In my comments section when I was thinking about investing in Uganda, Tumwi said that the tribal hullabaloo in Uganda is exaggerated. I beg to differ. Because she admitted that she never got this memo . Nor this one.

Tribes and Tribal Kingdoms

I won’t pretend to know much about tribes or tribal relations in Uganda. I will admit feeling some bit of envy over the fact that Ugandans in general seem to have kept much of their cultural traditions long after colonialism. But unlike Kenya, Uganda was a protectorate as opposed to a full-fledged colony, so maybe that’s why. By cultural traditions, I mean tribal kingdoms that are fully recognized by everyone else, though largely ceremonial. Like a Kabaka (King of Buganda), Kyabazinga (King of Busoga) etc. It’s all beautiful.
But cracks start to appear when one kingdom starts to seek autonomy from the bigger one, and the Central government is accused of having a hand in it. In my opinion, the central government should steer clear of tribal affairs, and tribal representatives should remain that way. No King, elder or whatever designation, should be allowed to participate in central government appointments. Go be a king, be catered to and be happy. Central government should also steer clear of tribal kingdoms. That’s my opinion. But what do I know?


I know that the need for autonomy is the reason we have Ethiopia and Eritrea. I also know that tribal violence does not start on Election Day, or the day after. Or the day people decide to clear ‘cockroaches’, weeds, madoadoa, or Bafuruki out of the face of the country. If history is anything to go by, stereotypes exist and are embedded in society with time. Like the Baganda believing that they are more civilized because they interacted with white people first (driver telling me), or are more economically advanced (guide at Mengo's Kabaka palace telling me). Or the Banyankole are more blessed because they have godly names as opposed to Baganda, who give clan names (friend telling me), and are more hardworking that the Baganda (someone else telling me). At some point, they are linked to how these tribes are doing economically. Politicians then prey on peoples' misperceptions of others and before you know it, ethnic cleansing is well on its way. Especially around election time, at lease in Kenya.
The presidential election in Uganda is in 2011. You’ve been warned. By a Mufuruki.

On a lighter note, I’m looking to pair up with a fellow Mufuruki who is willing to be to be coronated the Ssebafuruki. Any takers?

ONE YEAR OF 'BACK HOME'

Haiya,it's been a year already.

What has got better

• Closeness to family and hooking up with old friends. Going home more frequently
• I have a job that I love
• Cheap organic food
• Nice people, (in Uganda at least), generally
• New friends,new language (that's very similar to Gikuyu and Kiswahili)
• No winter, leaving and returning home when it’s dark outside
• Low bills. $10/month for electricity and $5/month for water. Now am not paying for water
• The profit potential
• And then some

What has got worse
• Death. Lost 2 relatives this year, the Mungiki massacre. Have also been to two funerals with work colleagues, and other colleagues have lost people and I haven’t been able to go. At least two meetings have been cancelled because someone has died and there is okuziika. The frequency has made me a bit of a worrier.I hope to live long, seems planning is not enough. An idea comes to mind. Creative people are making making a living out of the death industry. It's sure, and it's recession-proof.
• Blackouts, H2O rationing in Nairobi
• Traffic. In Kampala, Boda Bodas don’t help with that
• Bad customer service, if existent. Not being able to return stuff once I’ve paid for it
• The poverty that I see, or the manifestation of it

What I miss
• My friends and ‘family’, those who saw me in my good and bad times
• Good customer service. Being entitled as opposed to being treated like someone’s doing you a favour when you give them business
• Reliable power, water, things generally working efficiently. You know when the train comes
• People who take responsibility when they screw things up
• Open-mindedness, even at church. Now you know I didn’t commit to the fundamentalist world view
• Springtime and Summertime, my mind and moods popping up with the flowers, the sun setting late

What has changed
• I’ve blogged more. This is my 21st post this year. I did 17 in 2008, 1 in 2007.
• I am no longer dating ‘Chorge’. He is a great guy, I enjoyed his sense of humour (“you know in Kisii we can never go jogging in the mornings or evenings, especially if it’s (still) dark. Someone may think we are night runners and we end up getting lynched”), and a perfect body. Won’t delve into the details of my current state of affairs. Stay tuned
• I am more assertive, and that can be a bad thing sometimes. I am working on being nice about it
• I’m no longer deeply religious and don’t want to be. I’m a Christian, yes and I’m working on getting my relationship with God back on track. Guess who had moved?

Sad

I passed up a chance to show love last Christmas. They made an attempt but I was cold and distant. Now they are gone. I feel horrible.
My father was not a good father/husband, but he is definitely a good person. And my mum? She is the truest reflection of God in my world.I am older than my brother and sister, but clearly, they are way wiser than me. I wonder if it comes with marriage and/or parenthood? My uncle was telling me last night that people get wiser as they get older, but clearly that hasn't applied to me, at least compared with my siblings.

RIP G. I pray you understand. And I promise to be different with the rest of us.