Sunday, 03 October 2010

This and That, Mostly Biashara Nyeti

I haven't been to Church in a while but today I caught Rauka on TV. I think it was an OK, TV-friendly sermon. I kinda felt that as much as I believe what the pastor said, anyone could say that, work up a crowd like that, no? Am finding that I want stuff that I can relate to or that is specific, not a 'cookie cutter' sermon. Plus, I don't understand why you need a mini-sermon before people give their offering, and then repeat the same thing in a subtle way in the main sermon. If anything, the Bible says! Give what you have decided in your heart, but not under coercion...or something like that. I'll look for the verse. Overall, if you have the charisma and patience, I think a church is not a bad investment in the long term-just avoid scandals.

Jana we had stuff to attend to on Entebbe road, got a ride there with a friend, then me and the other friend took a matatu (aka taxi) back to town, getting off near the Old Taxi Park. Said friend was going back to work and so I said "Sawa, bye. Am going to look for hair". After the 'shocked' look on his face cleared, I explained that I was indeed going to look for a weave. He said some stuff about women and hair..... his wife/girlfriend is rocking a reddish-hair weave, so am sure he knows these things. Anyway! I walked into Mukwano Arcade and asked for an Afro-looking weave and settled on one that was 100% human hair-apparently. While we were negotiating, an older woman came by and said she wanted the same. Turned out that was the only one available, and out of 'respect', they attendant decided to sell it to "our mummy" while I waited for mine from the next shop. I was pissed and told the attendant as much when the lady had left. That was discrimation right there, though I didn't say as much. Do you know that I've once been at an interrview where one person in the panel asked me about my marital status, because it would help them in their renumeration decision? Anyway (never mind how many times I say Anyway, it's a Kenyan English adjunct) by 5pm, I'd come back to my hood and the 100% human hair fixed on my head. For the second time in my life I had a weave on. Only that I thought I looked like Kajairo's twin, so today am removing it.

Of late if you've been reading/watching news, seems people have given the East African Community idea a whole new meaning. What with this business of stealing kids from TZ and bringing them to Kampala, for whatever reasons? That was in The East African newspaper a few weeks ago. And the couple that was putting disabled Tanzanian kids on the streets of Nairobi at dusk to beg the whole day and bring back the loot late at night? What about the other jamaa who I guess got an order for albino bones in TZ but instead got a live specimen, so decided to befriend an albino guy, and take him to TZ by bus? The killer story is the one involving (Kikuyu, who else, ha!) men caught on tape selling private parts out of a mortuary in Nairobi. Hearing them on the phone, you'd think it was some legit business going on. "Ya mwanamume au mwanamke-male or female? Anotoa pesa ngapi-how much is the buyer offering?". What if that was your hubby and you saw him on TV like that? Well, I guess that would explain why of late your standards of living had improved, eh? What ever happened to people dressing their own loved one's bodies before burial. Seems these days everyone just gives money to get everything done. I know, I've been involved in one funeral this year. That's great, if only you are not burying your loved ones bila private parts, maybe even bila some clothes. Anyway, I guess some people- or their consciences at the least- died a long time ago but they are still walking on this side of the grave.

There are also the 'genuine' stuff that is marketed in dubious ways. Like the Yvonne Chaka Chaka commercial with Lifebouy. Ati it's a 100% proven to reduce cases of illness, yeah? Complete with a coughing kid who I presume will stop coughing once he bathes with Lifebouy. Splash juice also has a way with that 100%. When you see the 100% from a distance, you think it's a 100% fruit juice, but on closer look, it's 100% Aseptically Packed. Excuse me as I go buy my 100% fruit. Sensodyne has a fully dressed dentist that let's you know that dealing with sensitive teeth is a as easy as using Sensodyne. Halafu Pampers is recommended by the Kenya Paediatric Association. Nivea has a way of getting at women. In one particular case in a Supermarket, they had ka-signpost showing the isles where to get all the stuff you need for soft, glowing, cellulite-free skin; fresh fruits and vegetables, whole cereals and yes, Nivea! Me, I take these claims with a pinch of Royco Mchuzi Mix.

Wacha I go buy me some to make me 'the tastiest githeri ever!'. Have a lovely Sunday, people.

PS: 'Biashara nyeti' does not mean 'private business', the same way 'sehemu nyeti' means 'private parts'. It's more like 'controversial business', like 'swala nyeti' means 'controversial issue'


Raymond said...

Can we get a picture v your weave?? I hope its not the type that seems to shake

mrembo said...

you're on the roll there. Lol at the whole post


Cee said...

Hahaha, PKW everytime I soma your posts I'm just left in stitches. Have a great week

Kellie said...

It's not the standard to be asked your marital status in interviews? Interviewers in Kenya are the most intrusive btw.

Nivea Cellulite. Then they display pictures of girls who haven't known cellulite all their lives.

bankelele said...

I'm surprise the lifebuoy 100% ad has not been challenged more for blatant untrue claims

KR said...

Great read!

I am glad you explained 'nyeti' - I was sure I had heard it in another context. It is like 'jinsia' - I never ever get the meaning clearly.

False advertising should be illegal.

And LOL at the new weave look. The look that rarely goes wrong is when you leave a bit of hair at the front out.

On Kenyan interviewers. I listed all my siblings and where they all work. My parents and what they do.etc. This I am guessing to check if you are supporting your entire family alone. And not only do they ask marital status, they ask when you plan to get kids! So that they can see if you will take 3 precious months off work. By the way all this is sometimes asked in a nice non-confrontational conversational way. I naively did not even realize how intrusive until much later.