Saturday, 21 June 2008

Anxious

If I had a Bible handy, I'd look for the place JC tells me not to freak out about anything but let God know about it instead.
It's less anxiety and more like overwhelming excitement at seeing the possibilities vis a vis where things are, and worrying about finding my rightful and fulfilling space in it all.
Kenya is where my heart is, I'm just not sure why the 'decision' to go back feels like such gambling with my life. The worrying is getting out of control and getting me worried about it. Tons of the energy is going there instead of into what I should be doing to straighten things out.

We'll see.

13 comments:

Andy Weaver said...

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so anxious.

Take a deep breath, or a few. It generally helps me to breath deeply and slow down a bit when I am feeling anxious (not that I always remember to do so).

Writing can also be helpful. It doesn't have to be public via the blog, maybe just writing for yourself.

Talking with others can also be helpful -- it allows you to articulate what is on your mind (I would suggest one who is not overly biased one way or the other; maybe someone who will ask questions to help you get all your ideas out).

Three approaches. I hope that at least one of the three will work for you.

Proud Kikuyu Woman said...

Thanks for the tips. One of these days I'm going to camp at a park and will talk it out with a v. close friend. I also think I trust my boss and can bounce some of my ideas off of her.

Maua said...

Like Andy, I'd say write your thoughts. Find out what it is that you are afraid of. speak to someone who has made a similar decision in the last few years. That might help you tackle some of the issues that seem disturbing right now.

The other thing is try and get something to go to before you leave.

I pray that God will direct your every move. Favour will follow you.

Proud Kikuyu Woman said...

Thanks, Maua. Working v. hard at it right now!

Ssembonge said...

PKW, It takes a lot of courage to go back home. From what I've seen, if you finished your classes here and you have your certificates, you will get a job. It may take a few months but something will materialize.

Thanks for stopping by. I'll add you to my reader so that I don't miss out on your posts.

John Maina said...

Its probably just transition nerves from one environment to another you are experiencing but on a higher level.

If you made up your minds and are well prepared go for it as a decision taken is better than one not taken.

Wanjiku Unlimited said...

Look at the positive side of it. The warmth and friendliness that is Kenya. And the fact that you'll be much closer to family and friends here. And when was the last time you ate Sima Sukuma Samaki? Or githeri murugio? Karibu sana nyumbani.

You've taken a bit step already by talking to your fellow bloggers. Here's a little trick I use every day even if I’m not anxious or anything. You can try and see if it works. Wake up earlier than you usually do and take 15 minutes in the silence of the morning just to sit down with yourself and think. Think anything but mostly good positive thoughts. That is also the time to have a gratitude moment. And not in bed! You know what will happen if you try this in bed - you'll go back to sleep. Leave the bed and sit somewhere else. No telly no radio nothing. Just you and your thoughts. Put your thoughts down in writing if need be. With time you develop this strong and positive mind-frame.

All the best.

savvy said...

hey, in life there is nothing easy...am sure whichever decision u make, u will not regret it

stuff will sort itself out eventually...

we are praying for u

joyunspeakable said...

i do the andy trick. it works for me.....the scripture also does.

'why are you so downcast oh my soul, put your hope in God and bless the Lord oh my soul..he's the one that loads me with many benefits...'

gishungwa said...

You could talk to people who have already relocated back home and are making it work like Egm of http://kadhat.blogspot.com/. Then pray for guidance.

Vikii said...

There is nothing to be aprehensive about, PKW. I have this feeling that things are going to turn out so much bette there, you wont even believe. Be positive.

Look at it this way; kaugali, katusker, closer friends, family and a winterless year.

I will be heading there probably soon after as well. A little nervous, yeah, but it should not be a big D.

And then always remember to consult sir God on everything. You will definitely make it, afterall are you not able to do all things through him who enables you?

Whatever happens, ambia Mungu AHSANTE for all the opportunities he provided.

Tuko pamoja, twi hamwe!

Africanwriteress said...

Warmth and friendliness? Methinks not. Was just speaking to a friend of mine who's jaw got broken/fractured last week when she was helping another mama who was getting beaten up by bouncers outside a club. With her jaw held together by wires, she's now only to 'eat' blended food through a straw.
Kenya, the country that kills its heroes. Prof. Wambui Mwangi wrote an article in the East African about a month ago on the Kenyan environment, on what Kenya does to its great. She was like we should never lie to ourselves that Obama is ours, his dream is too big for us to grasp. That there's a way Kenya kills its suns, that there's something about this environment that stifles real greatness. Please read this before you decide to 'come back'. A most divine, powerful, moving piece. Its here on http://allafrica.com/stories/200806160697.html.
Obviously the question of who's responsibility it is to make things better comes up. I'll leave that for you to ponder on.
Wish you the best sister.

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